ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. It doesnt mean that it wont last. She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. The statistics are stacked against you, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. Sharing household chores: Mrs. Tanveer with time accepted her co-wife and living in the same home. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. 4. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. Azad Chaiwala, CEO and founder of the Second Wife and Polygamy marriage websites. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. So, she accepted this relationship. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. She said that she and her husband was working in the same organization. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Her ex-husband died. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . Can I marry second wife? An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. Current Psychology. And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. Grab Now! She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. mortality is outrageously high and t She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. Accepting being a second wife can be challenging for those who are considering polygamy. "Risk"? What's popular and why. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". The Review of Economic Studies. Hence, before you embark on your marital journey, you must understand the second marriage problems and how to handle them. It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. 2006; 45(3): 311330. To find out the reasons for multiple spouses by men. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. 5. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. Bigger families imply more connections. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Ethnology. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. "Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives - they were twins," she recalls. Invest in the future today. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. 2. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! Exploring the mediation effects of anger rumination and willingness to forgive on the association between self-compassion and romantic jealousy. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. What kind of man has three wives and no job? Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. Dealing with your partner's baggage. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. Yet even though we have gallopped past our twentieth year of marriage, I am still considered The Second One by certain of our acquaintances. All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. International Journal of Mental Health. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). Published: The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. And a leading women's group is applauding . One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". 2 Meet other future spouses. It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . Gabe and I won't have that. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. Not many people like a second wife. She also explained, "I never made differences among children". Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. It was a love marriage. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. But Im his last.. When people. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. All women were Muslims. So finding a man who respects women like uBaba is a blessing, The two women share the home duties between them, taking turns cooking and cleaning, and their six children help with the dishes and other household duties. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). Journal of Moral Philosophy. In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. Then I learned that marriages arent like cars, independent of the people in them, to be fixed according to an owner's manual. The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. But here I am, married to a man who was married before. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. Khattak AK. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. She was a nurse and divorce. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Saravanan S. Female infanticide in India: A review of the literature. Ethnographic accounts of 69 polygynous systems and reported evidence that the majority of co-wives in a polygynous family prefer pragmatic co-operation with one another while maintaining a respectful distance however having a deep-seated feeling of angst that arises over competing for access to their mutual husband [21]. Naturally, I instantly felt like I wasnt woman enough for him, Lillian says. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. Its not a series of glittering evenings drinking martinis in smoky bars. Every possibility seems available to them. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". Now she was not ready for 3rd. After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. Police Helicopter Edinburgh Now, Suncast Bms2500 Hinges, Louisiana Slang Quiz, Nan Drummond Type Of Cancer, Is Tyler Labine Related To Jack Black, Little Girl Emily Murdered Music Box, Canton, Ma Newspaper Obituaries, Posted January 19, 2023. in 2020; 24: 339351. But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife. After 11 years passed when she had not conceived her in-laws forced her husband for co-wife. 2010;57(1): 121-127. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. When men are taken out of the marriage market by war or by prison, women suffer. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). "If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. But the . 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. Love and (Polygamous) Marriage? Polygamy as sort of status symbol. However, several limitations exist. When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. Ibn Qudamah writes: The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. I never expected to be a second wife. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. In many societies the concept of polygamy is frowned upon because it goes against the Western idea of loving, honouring and obeying one person until death do you part. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. This practice of taking on another wife while still married to the first one is called polygamy, not to be confused with origami - which is the art of folding colored papers. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. In rare cases, men have carried on double lives, marrying two women and supporting two families, with neither wife knowing about the other. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. | Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? But after few months it was disclosed. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. 2006;52(1); 5-17. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. 2014; 8-10. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. I'm seven months pregnant. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. Tandler N, Petersen LE. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. 'I don't care about anything. Marriage Counseling vs. She told her a tragic story. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Lateron, both married. She said, I don't think I was the one that could not have children. 11 in-depth interviews were conducted with the help of the above-given interview guide with an age range of 18-50 years of polygamous women after obtaining initial data. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? Consent i s the keyword. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. Polygamy is a practice in which a person is married to more than one person at the same time, most commonly a man to several wives.
